Blue Moon Plays: One-Act Comedies for Seniors

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I Love Jack Kerouac and 2 New Senior Rom-Coms

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CRYSTAL: (chirpy) Welcome to our Cross Roads Diner here at Sailor Springs, Illin-ois.

JK: Nice.

CRYSTAL: Up early! – 5 a.m!

JK: Yeh. . . . bop-bop . . . be-bop.

CRYSTAL: Menu?

JK: Sure.

CRYSTAL stares over JK’s shoulder and recites flatly.

CRYSTAL: Ok. Here goes – it’s this – 
One egg any-kind nuked in microwave; hash-browns –nuked; white-toast – nuked; no-meat-any-kind; no-cheese-any-kind; no-onion-any-kind; no grits-no-fancy-grain any-kind; dry-cereal-Cheerios; raisins-pineapple-juice;-sunflower-seed-trail mix; have-a-good-and-a- filling-day. (she smiles) That’s it.  

JK: Hey – do that again.

CRYSTAL: Why?

JK: I wanna add some BOP to it . . .

CRYSTAL: Some what?

JK: Some BOP . . .

JK: Bop . . .

CRYSTAL: Don’t remember the last time –

JK: Try it. You’ll see.

CRYSTAL: Ok. (pause; then) One egg any-kind-nuked in microwave /

JK: / BOP-BOP /

CYRSTAL: / hash-browns –nuked /

JK: / BE-BOP-BOP /

CRYSTAL: / no-meat-any-kind /

JK: / BOP – BOP /

CRYSTAL: / no-cheese-any-kind /

JK : (snapping thumb and index finger)/ OH-YEH-BOP-BOP /

CRYSTAL: (snapping fingers) / no-onion-any-kind /

JK: / BE-BOP-BOP-BOP /

CRYSTAL: (finger snappin’)/ no grits . . . no-fancy-grain any-kind / 

JK: (finger snappin’)/ OH YEH DIG IT, BOP-BOP-BE-BOP / 

CRYSTAL: (finger snappin’) / dry-cereal-Cheerios / 

JK: (finger snappin’) / YEH YEH YEH /

CRYSTAL: / BOP BOP /

JK: (finger snappin’) / BE-BOP /

CRYSTAL (finger snappin’): / raisins-pineapple-juice;-sunflower-seed-trail mix / 

JK: (finger snappin’) / BE-BOP-BOP – BOP /

CRYSTAL: (finger snappin’) / have-a-good-and-a- filling-day /

JK (finger snappin’): /YEH-YEH-YEH, BOP-BOP-BE-BOP /

CRYSTAL: (finger snappin’) /BOP-BOP BE-BOP /

JK: (finger snappin’)Yep . . . you got it . . . BOP-BOP-BE-BOP.

CRYSTAL: (quietly) Bop-bop . . . be-bop.

JK: Yep.

CRYSTAL: Sayin’ our menu . . . ain’t never going to be the same.

JK: Nope, nope . . . never will. N’that’s how life should go. (pause) Bop-bop. (smiles to her)

SILENCE; then:

CRYSTAL: So . . . what do you want from the menu?

JK: Uh . . . got coffee?

CRYSTAL: (suddenly calls out to kitchen) MUMSIE! . . . Coffee ready YET-T? BOP-BOP?? (smiles)

MUMSIE; (O.S. – gravelly) WHAA?

CYRSTAL: (harder) COF-FEE?? . . . RED-IEE . . . YEE-TT?

MUMSIE: (O.S.- silence; then - gravelly) ALLL-MOST!

CRYSTAL: (to JK) Grandma. . . . little too old. Things can take awhile.

JK: Yep.

CRYSTAL: But, well, all she’s gotta do is . . .

JK: . . . don’t tell me . . .

CRYSTAL: . . . nuke it. (finger snappin’)Bop-be-bop. (smiles)

JK: Yep. (beat) Boil it to death. (smiles up at Crystal) . . . bop-bop-be-bop!

CRYSTAL: What’s that suppose to mean, anyway? “Bop-bop?”

JK: Nuthin.’ Nuthin’ at all . . . just gives you beat.

CRYSTAL: Oh. . . . (shyly) . . . I thought maybe it was some kind of code.

JK: Nope. Not any more.  

OS: SOUND of a car suddenly braking, followed by a car horn – two hoots.
 
 MUMSIE: ( O.S. gravelly voice) WHAT’S THAT!!

CRYSTAL: (O.S.) CAR HORN!

MUMSIE: (O.S. gravelly voice) WHY?

CRYSTAL: (O.S.) WHO KNOWS!

JK: I know. (pause) It’s Neal. 

CRYSTAL: Who?

JK: Neal. My buddy. He’s the driver. He’ll come around twice more . . . and then I go. Do it everywhere we stop – drops me off, circles four times – n’off we go.

OS: SOUND: microwave ding . . .

MUMSIE: (O.S) IT’S READY, CRYSTAL . . . CRYSTAL!

CRYSTAL: I HEARD YA!

senior theater, senior actors, senior cast, older actors, older cast
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I Love Jack Kerouac 
Three Short Quirky Rom-Coms for Seniors
by Jan Quackenbush

About the Plays

I Love Jack Kerouac contains 3 one-act dramedies for seniors, sometimes wacky and sometime other-worldly.  In a  cafe, Crystal meets a stranger who may or may not be Jack Kerouac and her ticket to another life. ln A Rose, A Cane, a long-married couple wind down their lives.  And in Two Roads Diverge, a retired new resident of the Vermont country side meets a strange widow over a discussion of the stone wall that divides their properties.  She may be more than she seems.